To Anyone Searching For a Partner
This weekend is my anniversary, and this morning I ate breakfast alone. When I got out of bed Andrew was gone and I ordered room service for one. Now if I were to stop the story there, you might assume we had some sort of fight. When I was younger, I probably would have thought the same. If I saw couples who did things separately, my assumption was that something was wrong.
While I'm not yet ready to write a book on a marriage advice - it's only been 8 years after all - one thing that I have learned to love and appreciate about the relationship I am in is that we can be together while still being our own people. We do a lot as a couple for sure, but we also have things that are just for us. Andrew can spend all day Scuba Diving and I can spend all day writing and reading; it doesn’t make us any less in love, and actually I've found the exact opposite to be true. By spending days separately we have more to discuss, more to share, and more to appreciate about the other person.
When Andrew decided he wanted to get his Scuba certification, he asked me to take the classes with him. While I really wanted to say yes, I was not in a place to. Between getting my EMT certification, my commitments to my writing, and trying to keep time and energy open for friends and family, I was already at the brim. It took a lot to say no but the reality is that we are both having a much better time separate than we would if I forced myself to be in a place I wasn't. Maybe next year I'll get Scuba certified and be able to go out with him, but this weekend this introvert is enjoying a quiet hotel room and a day with absolutely nothing to do.
To those out there that are searching for a partner, find someone that still gives you space to be the person you were created to be. You can't share who you are with someone if you lose it in the relationship. This is something that is easier said then done, and was especially hard for me earlier on in my marriage. I didn’t want to say no to things I didn't want to do because I was trying to be a good wife - whatever that means. Not to say that being in a relationship with someone isn't also about sacrifice and putting the other person first. But they should also be trying to put you first and they can only do that if you share what you actually want and who you actually are. Compromise can only happen when both parties start from the place they are truly at. So the question is, do you know where you are at?
When is the last time you thought about what you truly want to do and who you want to be? Have you convinced yourself you like things that you don't actually like? In an attempt to be a good wife, good friend, good whatever have you lost site of what makes you feel most you? Take some time today to think about the things that take up your time. It won't all be things you enjoy because as I said, life is compromise, just make sure it's not all compromise.
