The Game of Life
Do you remember the game of Life? I have specific memories playing it when I was a kid, rolling the dice and making my way around the board. Your player piece was a tiny little plastic car with one little pink or blue stick which was meant to be you. As you progressed through life, you would get an education, a job, and if you pulled the right cards you would land a partner and kids to put into your car with you. When you made your way to the end of the game, the winner was determined by whoever had the most money.
That was it. That was life.
While real life is obviously not a board game, it certainly has its similarities; we all need to get jobs to pay bills, and it often feels like whoever has the most money is the winner. So the real difference I find is not in the elements of the game, but in the rules.
In real life it's like we are all playing the same game but we've each been given a very different set of rules - it's as if someone else gets to roll two dice while we only get one. Or for some reason they get more money when they land on a green pay day space but for us its less and we don't understand why. It’s not just that they get lucky and we don’t but rather that the whole game is rigged.
The game of real life, is not fair.
On some level we know this and yet we still compare ourselves to others; we see how far down the board they have gotten and we feel like we’re losing, but the truth is that comparing ourselves was a lost cause right from the start because when you have different rules it means that two people need very different things to achieve the same outcome. That is real life.
When you go through real life, if you are going to do any comparing at all, try to remember to compare yourself to the outcome, not the activity. When I run every day, for example, the activity is three miles but the outcome is healthy and happy. You likely need a different set of rules to achieve the same healthy and happy outcome that I do. Some might need 10 miles, others might need a walk around the block, while others need a glass of wine and a bubble bath.
Of course in a perfect world we wouldn’t compare at all, but we’re not in a perfect world and the imperfect people that we are will be prone to compare. It’s so easy to get caught up on the activity and think we’re falling short when we might not be at all.
The next time you get jealous or frustrated that you aren't on the same space as someone else, ask yourself what it truly is that they are trying to achieve - what's the outcome? If it's something that you haven't yet achieved yourself then figure out what it would look like for you to get to that same space. Ignore what they did to get there and just ask yourself what you need.
