Are You In The 30%?
I've always assumed that we are born either 'glass-half-full' kind of people, or 'glass-half-empty.' Surprisingly, I think I've also always just assumed that I was 'glass-half-full.' Of course I would be, right? Those that see the world as missing something must be perpetually grumpy, hate small children, and are also probably ugly too. I'm way too good looking to fall under that category.
Kidding. But seriously, I only realized recently that we may lean more toward one or the other, but every new less-than-ideal situation offers us an opportunity to choose to be grateful for what we have. Unfortunately, the more we choose the 'glass-half-empty' route the easier it is to choose that route again. Before we know it, the world is a gloomy place that's out to get us and we have no hope of ever catching a break.
I started thinking about all this when I came across a story in the book I'm reading - The Happiness Advantage. The author Shawn Achor tells the tale of a hypothetical situation he presented to business leaders around the world. He asked them to imagine a scenario where they are in a bank with 50 other people. Let's try and picture that, shall we?
Actually, I'm not sure in this day and age what would actually bring us to a bank, so let's alter the scenario for a minute. Let's say you're in a coffee shop. It opened recently in your town and you love the vibe. It's pretty big, there's probably about 40 to 50 people scattered through the various rooms but it still has that small-town feel. It's a beautiful Fall day and you've got a great spot in the corner booth. The walls are lined with old books that are free to take if you choose which you never actually do but you like that you have the option. You take a deep breath and the aroma of the cinnamon from the top of your latte makes you smile. You set your book down for a minute, while you take a sip and stare out the window, admiring the ray of light that cuts through the red and orange leaves. Just as you are thinking that this moment couldn't be more perfect, a man walks through the door and starts firing his gun.
A few bullets go off, shattering jars of coffee beans on the back wall. All you can process is screams, people running, and the sound of your latte hitting the ground as a bullet hits you in the right arm. Suddenly the world goes fuzzy, but through the haze you see that the man is taken down. As quickly as it started it's over and everyone else seems fine. Police show up and an ambulance rushes you to the hospital. Later, you learn that it was a clean shot through your arm and after some recovery you'll be good as new. You also learn that of the 50 other people in the shop, you were the only one that got shot.
What is your reaction? Really think about it right now. What would you say? ….
When the similar - and slightly less colorful - bank scenario was presented to Achor's business leaders, there was a 70/30 response with 70 percent claiming it to be a very unfortunate event and the other 30 people having claimed they were very lucky. So which were you? Did you think "I'm so glad everyone else was okay" or did you think "why me?"
I confess when I read about the scenario I wanted to think that I would be one of the optimistic minorities. I'm embarrassed to say, though, that when I really think about the vocabulary I use, the phrase "of course that would happen to me" crosses my lips more than I'd like. I can even picture myself sitting in that hospital bed, joking with my husband, saying something that would end with the word "figures" and talking about how I wasn't even going to sit in that booth. I usually sit in the back but then I took that seat because someone left right after I got my drink. What are the odds?
I don't want to be like that though. I want to be able to see the parts of every situation that I can be grateful for. Achor goes on to say that in situations like these, our mind creates a 'counterfact': "an alternate scenario our brain creates to help us evaluate and make sense of what really happened." Those that saw the situation as being unlucky created a counter story in their minds where they were not shot. They thought about how unlucky it was that they entered the bank at that exact moment. Some even thought about how other people probably deserved to be shot more than they did - although, as Achor said, with a comment like that I'm not sure so sure. On the other hand, the 30% had an alternate storyline that looked very different. They imaged all the terrible things that could have happened. They thought about all the other people that could have been hurt and they thanked the stars that everyone walked out of there alive. Instead of saying "what if I wasn't shot" they said "what if other people were." Instead of focusing on just their story and just their luck, they factored in the other people around them which gave them more of a chance to see the silver lining.
I don't know where in my story I started to focus on the negative, but it's never too late to break the cycle. While I may not be Oscar the grouch, I also know there's room for improvement and since we are in the season of Thanksgiving I plan on practicing gratitude in my life. In an earlier chapter, Achor challenged his readers to find three things every day that they can be grateful for. This small act of training our brains to recognize good things when they happen to us, increases our chances of being able to recognize good things down the road. The more we do this, the greater our hope of being in that 30% one hundred percent of the time.
