One on One 101
If you are new to the corporate world, you will likely start hearing the term one on one, often spelt in the shorthand 1:1. For most people, their idea of what these interactions should look like is limited to their own experience, which then leads to some people reinforcing the poor habits of those that came before them. The only way to break this chain when you become a manager is to do a little research; whether you had a poor experience or a great one with those that have managed you, it is always great to expand your horizons and see if there are some other 1:1 tools you can add to your manager toolbox. Even those that have been excellent at 1:1s in the past may be struggling with how to lead them in our current hybrid world. This article will look at the what, why and how of this type of meeting in the modern workplace.
WHAT exactly is a 1:1?
A 1:1 is a meeting between an employee and their manager. It typically ranges from 30-60 minutes and is held in person or virtually. If you are meeting virtually, I highly recommend having the camera on for this meeting.
WHY are 1:1 meetings important?
While there are many things managers can do to create a healthy work environment for their direct reports (see: So You've Been Promoted to Manager… Now What?), a 1:1 meeting is the primary place to do three essential things:
Make a Connection
In the HBR Article, Proven Ways to Earn Your Employees Trust, Carolyn O'Hara highlights the importance of making a connection with your employees. This can happen in many ways, but the only guaranteed time is in your 1:1. Why? Employees that are more outgoing will connect no matter what; it's how they are wired. However, employees that keep to themselves will only open up to you in a closed, safe space. You will see more of them in a 1:1 meeting then you ever will in a large group setting. After some time, I have seen first-hand how connections created in smaller spaces lead to employees opening up in larger spaces - empowering them to speak up at team meetings and have confidence in their own voice. Making a solid connection also builds a foundation of trust that is crucial for difficult conversations that may come down the road. Hearing that you are not doing well is far easier to receive when it comes from someone that has invested in knowing and supporting you.
Create Psychological Safety
According to a McKinsey study, 89% of employees believe that psychological safety is essential in the workplace. Coined by Amy Edmondson in a 1999 journal article, "Psychological safety means an absence of interpersonal fear. When psychological safety is present, people are able to speak up with work-relevant content." Meeting regularly 1:1 with your employees will provide the space to create psychological safety. However, it will only happen if your employees know that it is okay to fail, ask questions, and challenge the status quo. The quickest way to kill psychological safety is to jump to defending yourself or the company. Instead, try to not focus on who is right or wrong but rather on allowing your team to express their opinion free of judgement. Of course, this is not an invitation for someone to be hurtful or inappropriate. You will need to intervene, but try to limit those instances to the times when you truly need it. Psychological safety is not about letting people do whatever they want or always get their way, it is about giving them permission to feel what they need to feel and space to express their opinion so that the truth is always on the table. When the truth is on the table, you can respond and make more effective decisions that will be better for you, your team, and the company.
Provide Feedback
In a Forbe's Article, The Importance of the Employee Feedback Loop, Cord Himelstein writes about creating "consistent, authentic communication" through positive feedback loops: "Positive feedback loops are a fundamental concept in psychology, and the science behind them is simple: Give people feedback about their actions in a timely manner without fear of reprisal, and it gives them a healthy opportunity to work toward better behaviors." 1:1's help you get ahead of any developing issues by establishing a space for open communication. I personally have found success in creating structure around positive feedback so that I don't forget to give it. Many managers tend to stay silent when everything is good and only bring things up when stuff goes wrong. Unfortunately, if the only time your manager is talking to you is when you failed, it will be a lot harder to hear their criticism. Openness to learning and growing is partially achieved in how you deliver feedback in the moment, and partially in what you have done the days, weeks, and months prior to that moment.
HOW do you run an effective 1:1?
I cannot stress enough that every team and every organization will be different and so there is no one right way to run a 1:1. With that being said, the following tips are things I have done in the past and most professionals would agree are essential to making positive connections, creating psychological safety, and providing space for consistent feedback.
Be on Time
Seriously, it's not that hard, just be on time. If you struggle with this, try blocking off your calendar 15 minutes before your 1:1 starts. This will prevent meeting overlap and allow you a few minutes to look at any agenda items and be intentional with your conversation.
Don't cancel, reschedule
For some managers, your schedule is just very full and constantly changing which makes consistent 1:1s difficult. If this is you, be proactive with your direct report by talking about it up front. Let them know that you value this time, but you may need to adjust it. Make sure you own the meeting so you can change it last minute if needed but try to schedule the meeting at a time when a change is least likely to occur.
Start with specific positive feedback
Rather than saying generic things like you're doing a great job, try to be specific with your feedback: your presentation in the meeting yesterday was really great. Slide 3 in particular was put together well, I liked how you included… If you are like me and don't have the best memory, maintain a running log for each direct report you have. Throughout the week when you see something they are doing well, write it down. This will make it easier the next time you meet to remember what you want to tell them. It also makes it a lot easier down the road for annual reviews or advocating for promotions. Rather than telling your manager my team is great, you'll have specific scenarios to back up their greatness.
Don't talk about yourself, talk about them
This meeting is not your meeting, it is theirs, which means they should be talking more than you. Try to avoid bringing your stress from a previous meeting into the 1:1. With that being said, make sure you are sharing enough of yourself that you are able to make that important connection and build trust.
Address elephants in the room
If something big happens that may impact your team, be sure to address it head on. For example, if a company change is announced, ask them directly how they felt about it. Don't just ask if they have questions, but rather check in to see how they are feeling. Often, just asking the question will be enough to reduce any potential stress or negative thoughts.
Ask open-ended questions
The next time you have a 1:1 try to notice the types of questions you are asking. Typically, we default to yes/no because they are easier; open-ended takes a little more intention but they are the types of questions that lead to connection. Did you have a great weekend? What was your weekend like? Did you go out anywhere or stay in?
Be Consistent
And finally, while length of the meeting and cadence will vary from team to team, whatever you choose to do just be consistent with it. For virtual teams that don't get to pass each other in the office, I strongly recommend at least 30 minutes a week. However, if you have opportunities to engage in 1:1 conversation with your team in an informal way, then a scheduled weekly meeting may not be necessary. If you choose to go that route, then something longer at least once a month is essential for more targeted conversations around growth.
If you're going to remember anything, remember this…
The trap you want to avoid with your 1:1s is getting into a habit of letting the work drive the conversation instead of you. You want to be proactive, not reactive. 1:1's that are driven solely by a direct reports questions and work are the types that start as weekly meetings (because the manager thinks that's what we need to do) but then they end up getting canceled because there is "nothing to talk about". While I agree that you should not have a meeting if there is nothing important to talk about, I also believe that with a direct report there is always something to talk about. Often the most important things get sidelined for more pressing work needs, and so when things slowdown that is not the time to cancel the meeting but rather capitalize on the opportunity to talk about future goals.
