The One-Woman Effect
How to Support the Women In Your Network
I remember sitting in the company-wide meeting and chuckling at the super-hero theme. Every presenter that came up had their opening title slide accompanied by someone from the Marvel or DC universe. I know the presenters themselves didn’t choose the imagery, because I also was a speaker that week and had to give my slides to the marketing team. As someone who likes cohesion, I appreciated this attention to detail. Unfortunately, as the week went on, I started to notice a frustrating pattern. Every image, on nearly every slide, was a man.
Since I am hyper-sensitive to equal representation, I noticed it after the first few slides. I kept waiting for one of the many amazing female heroes to show their face— Wonder Woman, Super Girl, Captain Marvel, Ruth Badger Ginsberg—but at every change of the mic, I was left disappointed. I kept track the whole week and from what I remember there were fewer than five women pictured, and they nearly all appeared in group shots behind men.
I later asked somebody in leadership, as kindly as I could, if they noticed. I tried to point out that while it feels like such a small thing, it’s a symptom of a larger problem. The response I got later was that a female intern had put together the slides—as if that would solve the issue—a woman did it so we’re not to blame.
Our world has been framed for men and women alike to view men as the superheroes and so when we are asked to picture a hero—or doctor, firefighter, lawyer, etc.—our mind immediately imagines a man. Even with all the progress made to achieve gender equality in the workforce, we still have this idea in our heads that we can't seem to shake. In a 2019 survey of 4,000 people on LinkedIn, only 5% of people presumed a doctor to be female, despite the fact that today physicians are as likely to be female as male. That number drops to only 2% for those over the age of 55, highlighting that this is a legacy idea that we need to continue to battle. Despite the changing world, the images we see in our heads and on screen still reinforce the idea that men belong, and women do not. When a woman does show up on the scene, she is the only one, the Wonder Woman, the special outlier to the rest of the female race. We are taught that the strong leading lady does exist, but she’s the exception, not the norm.
Wonder Woman. Singular.
This story that we have been told and have seen on screen our entire lives has trained many of us to compete. Whether it’s Lara Croft or Regina George, we have been taught there’s only room for one Queen Bee. Men, on the other hand, have grown up in a world where there is plenty of room at the table. They have been sitting comfortably while we’ve been playing musical chairs, fighting over that last seat.
This tension among our own gender has been researched for years, with many theories in play. Some think that fighting with each other is hardwired into our genetics, rooted in the days of survival instincts forcing us to fight over the available men. Others believe we have been battling gender bias for so long, that when a woman does grab that seat, she is forced to distance herself from other women. Dubbed the Queen Bee Phenomenon, these women judge other women more harshly than men and are less likely to hire them to their teams. They try to separate themselves from their gender by making claims that they themselves are different. This is not their fault, but rather a result of a culture that has forced them to fight over that last spot.
"Evidence indicates that they are not just being catty or mean. Instead, it’s a way the women cope with the gender discrimination they’ve faced in their own career. Women who experienced bias may begin to emphasize how different they are from other women and may also begin to apply gender stereotypes they themselves have encountered."
-Kim Elsesser, Forbes
So where do we go from here? How do we combat this One-Woman Effect when even we as women are part of the problem? How do we fight the bias that only one woman deserves to be at the table, and she needs to be freakin' Wonder Woman to be there?
I believe we fight this in two ways:
We learn as much as we can so we can recognize it and fight it when it starts to unconsciously surface.
We actively support the women in our network by being an educator, mentor, ally, and fan.
Step 1: Learn as much as you can
When I shared this one-woman idea with about 15 of my female friends, the majority responded with a resounding yessss! They all felt the same thing I felt, which was that seeing only one woman on the screen made them more likely to compete for that spot. There were, however, a handful of women who responded commenting that they were not inclined to compete but rather inspired to get more women a place in the room.
If you are like that, then you might be able to skip to step 2 because you don’t need to be convinced that there is a problem. On the other hand, if you are like me and can be easily swayed by statements about meritocracy - it shouldn’t matter what gender someone is, let’s just hire the best person for the job – then maybe take some time to learn more. I personally found that when I had more knowledge and data about these topics, I was able to engage in conversations and support women more effectively.
To help in your learning I have linked to several articles that support the statements I have made in this post. I have also written a second article that highlights several studies that I found particularly fascinating. If you haven’t already, take a few minutes to read about Brilliance Bias and The Myth of Meritocracy.
Step 2: Support the women in your network
Women will never break the glass ceiling or fix the broken rung if we don’t take active steps to fight our own bias at play and take action to lift each other up. We all need to stop fighting to be the one woman and instead put that energy toward being an educator, a mentor, an ally, and a fan.
Be an educator
I was reading a book a few months ago and came across a sentence where the author said that one of the ways they determine someone was the right pick for their team, was to choose someone they would want to hang out with. As I read it, I immediately thought, well that's a recipe for bias. If you are a woman in a leadership position at your company and you hear statements like this from your colleagues, don’t just let it slide. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are hardwired to be kinder and more supportive of people that are like us. Adam Grant shares proof in his book Give and Take, with the experiment involving Manchester United soccer fans.
In the experiment, a group of people were brought to a room where they thought they were participating in the study. Then when they left, the real study took place as they walked from one building to another and passed by a runner who slipped and fell. As the runner screamed in pain and held his ankle, the psychologists wanted to know if anyone would help. The results? It depended on the t-shirt the person was wearing. Only 33% helped him when he had on a plain white t-shirt, compared to a whopping 92% when he had on a Manchester United Jersey.
We will always have a little bias and taking action is not just about trying to fight it, but to decrease the impact by ensuring we have things like diverse hiring committees and anonymous job applications. Being an educator means sharing your knowledge and taking steps toward change.
Be a mentor
For women that are behind you in your career journey, becoming a mentor—whether formally or informally—is a great way to support the next generation. If someone asks you to be their mentor and you have the time to commit, say yes! (If it’s your first time, check out this Forbes article for some tips: Mentoring For The First Time? 14 Tips To Start Off On The Right Foot.)
If no one is asking, it is not because you have nothing to offer. Most people would kill to get advice from people in their lives, but they hesitate to ask because they feel awkward about it. You can still informally support others by reaching out and being specific about ways you are offering to help - I know you’re graduating soon and applying to jobs. If you want some help with your resumes, I’m happy to review them with you. If they show interest, then suggest a specific time and location to help - how about we grab coffee this Saturday and we can chat about where you’re applying?
Be an ally
In the male-dominated IT industry that I work in, I have found a pattern that most of the successful women tend to have stronger voices. This part of their personality makes it easier for them to speak up and be heard amongst all the men. If you are that person that has a stronger voice, you can be an ally by creating space for women with softer voices. Talk to them after a meeting and encourage them in their ideas. If they can’t get a word in, create space for them - Hang on John, before we change topics, I wanted to hear a little more about Michelle’s idea.
Studies show that women are more likely to be mentored, but less likely to be sponsored and actively supported by other women. In the HBR article A Lack of Sponsorship Is Keeping Women from Advancing Into Leadership, author Herminia Ibarra says "while a mentor is someone who has knowledge and will share it with you, a sponsor is a person who has power and will use it for you." If you have managed to make your own in the company you work for, make sure you are using your power to support the women in your life with words and actions.
Be a fan
We didn’t become Mean Girls because we’re all mean; we became this way because we were trying to survive in a biased world. We’ve been trained to tear each other down, but we must stop this cycle— the world is changing, and we need to change with it. While generations of women continue to fight for equal pay and equal representation in the workforce, we can all join the fight by pivoting our thinking from competing to cheering. The best thing we can do for the future of all our daughters and nieces right now is to celebrate any time a woman succeeds. Let’s show the next generation what it looks like to celebrate each other and pave the way for women to truly have an equal shot.
Conclusion: The Hard Truth
This all sounds great and easy, but the hard truth is that when you experience bias yourself there may be hesitation that arises. Being aware of the One-Woman Effect and everything it encompasses makes it easier to spot the problem, but it doesn’t stop it from happening. Our first reaction may likely still be to compete, which means we need to be ready to have that conversation with ourselves. We need to be ready to fight it when it happens.
A woman I know had a direct report who was up for a promotion. This promotion would have resulted in this woman receiving more pay at their level than my friend had received when she was at that level. While a part of them wanted to immediately grant the promotion, she admits there was also a part that made her pause – but I didn’t make this much when I was at her level. Thoughts like this lead to other thoughts – well that’s not fair. It’s true, that’s NOT fair; but the unfair part is that my friend was underpaid in her former role, not that her staff could now earn a fairer salary. But two wrongs will never make a right, they only perpetuate a larger problem. Being educators, mentors and allies for the women coming up behind us means supporting them in pay increases and celebrating when they don’t have to fight the same battles we fought.
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