Find Your Five
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When I was in 5th grade, I finally made the travel soccer team. After this many years, I cannot remember if it had been my first or second year trying out for the Travel League, but I remember that I was one of the best players in the Not-a-Travel league. Top scorer and team player, I wasn't surprised when I made the team and I expected to impress everyone when I walked into that first practice. What I very quickly and painfully learned, was that my other team wasn't that great; I went from being the best player on one team, to the worst on the other.
In one of my first games a teammate shouted at me "goal side Bover! Goal side!" At the time, I had no idea what goal side meant; no one on my other team had ever taught it to me, or maybe they did, but it wasn't reinforced and I never learned it. Either way, I found myself on a team surrounded by people who were smarter and in better shape then I was. It would be the first of many times in my life when I would have a rude awakening and realize I had a lot of room to grow. Over the next few years, I would continue to play on that travel team surrounded by all those great players and experienced coaches. Over time, I went from being the worst to one of the best once again. It's interesting because I was the same person, with the same work ethic and drive, but I grew in talent not because of what I was capable of but because of who I had surrounded myself with.
This idea of you are who you hang with was made famous from motivational speaker John Rohn, who said "you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." Stemming from the Law of Averages, this tells us that we will always be influenced by those around us; those above us will bring us up a bit, but it will be balanced by those who bring us down a bit. In other words, be careful who you surround yourself with because you are the average of their influence. This also means that if you happen to be the best on the team, then you will only be able to try and pull people up to your level; when you're the best in the room, there is no one there to make you better.
In the article Why you never want to be the smartest in the room, Forbes describes the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people. While the terms smartest and best are problematic, because as people in this world we can be smart at one thing and not-so-smart at another, there is still something to be learned here. When we find that our growth opportunities are starting to dwindle, look at the people you spend your most time with and ask what do they have a lot of that I need more of. Maybe you are intellectually smarter but they are emotionally smarter. Maybe you are the life of the party but they are great at being calm and comforting. Maybe you always know the right thing to say but they know best when to not say anything at all.
Most of the time I think there is always something to be learned by the people around us, but I also think there are times when we need to look at our Five and ask if it's the right Five. If you ever feel like you're the smartest person in the room, then maybe its time to find a new room. Find the room that gives space for you to teach and to be taught. Find the people that can learn from you and that can show you the way. Thank the five that made you who you are today and then find the next five who will keep pushing you to new horizons.
