Know Thyself
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I remember many conversations from my 20s centered around what my wedding would look like. At that age, I went along with the expectations: I would have a big wedding, 10 or so bridesmaids, and lots of flowers. But when it was my turn to have my special day, I found myself making decisions I didn’t expect. I didn’t want a big bridal party, just my sister and my best friend. I didn’t want a big limo or lots of flowers, instead we used the money on Skee Ball, drove ourselves home, and skipped the after party.
On my wedding day, by the time we got to the venue I was already over stimulated from the activities of the morning and the few days prior. I didn’t know it at the time, because at 29 I was still figuring things out about myself, but I recharge in silence. While I have no problem socializing or leading the room from center stage, I can’t do any of it without time alone. It took me many years to realize this about myself and so in that moment when I needed it most, it was actually my best friend who knew what I needed. On the drive to the venue she asked me if I wanted to get ready alone. As soon as she said it I knew it was exactly what I needed; it was what I needed but it was so against what was considered normal for a wedding day I didn’t even think to ask for it.
Years later, I still remember that she did that for me. It was impactful because it was one of the first times I really started to know myself; it was one of the first times I understood what I needed. It wouldn’t be years later until I would get the courage to start asking for it myself, and a few years after that when I would ask for it without fear or shame.
This train of thought started while I was in the car and passed by a billboard with a hot air-balloon. As I looked at the image, which filled me with the joy of adventure and something new, I thought to myself we should do a hot air balloon ride, that would be cool. Almost as quickly as the thought came in I started laughing at myself - Kristen, you would absolutely hate that. While the adventure of it all is intriguing and the views I’m sure would be worth it, I would hate being trapped in that basket. The adventures I like nearly always involve movement because I need it. My body likes the exercise but especially when I’m trying something new or doing something that’s outside my comfort zone, the movement keeps me calm and centered.
Legend to have been inscribed on the temple of Apollo, this idea goes back to Ancient Greece with Socrates himself being credited with saying
"To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom."
It's not surprising the people in our lives sometimes know us better than we know ourselves because strong emotions are easier to hide from ourselves than from others. They see it clearly while we try to push it down to be like the person we think we should be instead of the person we are. With so many images of who we should be bombarding us every day, it can take time to sort through it. Knowing thyself is a journey, but a worthy one. To be able to confidently say, thank you so much for that invitation but I would not enjoy that, is wisdom. Or to be able to say, yes let's do it, knowing it would be difficult but being able to prepare for it because it’s worth it; that is also wisdom. It is something earned after years of testing new things, failing and trying again, and learning what makes you you.
