The Truth About Grief
The last time I experienced big grief was after my brother died. It was a time in my life that taught me the stages of grief don't happen one after the other. They happen all at once. This knowledge has helped me this week as I walk through yet another season of grief in my life.
Two weeks ago I lost my job. In a Teams live event, with what I later learned included many other people, I was told today is your last day. 5 minutes later, I was kicked off my account. No notice. No explanation. No meeting with my manager. I couldn’t even say goodbye to my team. When something like this happens, you don't just grieve one thing. I am not just grieving the loss of my job. I am grieving the loss of the trust I had in the company. I am grieving the loss of the people I loved and got to work with every day. I am grieving the loss of the person I thought I was going to be.
All of those things are happening all at once. I have been in tears over one at the same time I wanted to scream over another. To say that I am at a 'loss for words' on what to say would be untrue. I have too many words. Too many words that I have written down to try and process it all. And if that isn’t enough to try and sort out, the SCOTUS decisions made recently have given me a whole other wave of grief. I hesitated writing about it at all because I usually don’t get political in these posts, but I am scared. I am scared for women across America and what could happen to their freedom.
If you are processing grief in your life right now, the truth is it will never make sense. I can't give you a formula or stages to tell you how it's going to feel. There will also be people that, for better or worse, will tell you really positive things. Which is good - you need to hear that - but don't let it make you think the negative thoughts are wrong. You need to have those too. As I said to a friend of mine that was also let go, even when you are confident you will land on your feet, it's okay to be pissed. It's okay to doubt yourself. It's part of processing it all. If you try to be too positive too fast, all that does it bury your real feelings. So feel it all.
And in the case of what’s happening to America, maybe you need to be angry. Righteous anger is what leads to positive change. So feel it and let it spur you on to making the world a better place.
