Choosing an Open Mind

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Get in the Habit Series | Part 5

We all know what it means to be open-minded, and chances are we probably all assume we are open-minded. I can't imagine someone going through life knowing they are closed-minded and being alright with that. In fact, I bet that if someone said you were not open-minded, you'd be insulted, because I’m sure there are many areas in life where it is easy for you to let new ideas in. But that's the thing, isn't it? A mind is not always open or closed. It rather has the potential to be open or closed every time a new way of thinking or being is presented to it.

So, let's think about the moments in our professional lives when it is not so easy to keep that mind open…

…the meetings where someone shares an idea, and you immediately know all the reasons it won't work.

…the times when a new colleague says how about we try X and you start thinking about the time you tried X and it failed.

…the day they announce there is yet another company restructure.

…the emails when someone asks you to do something that feels outside your job description, and you suppress all the things you really want to say while you respond with appropriate pass-aggressive corporate etiquette.

In those moments, the ability to consider someone else's point of view is directly tied to the social awareness emotional intelligence domain we referenced in part 1 of this series. If our goal is to increase our emotional intelligence in this area and become more empathetic, then we need to look at how we can proactively increase our empathy and reactively keep our mind open when it tries to close. Let's start with proactive.

In the HBR article, How to Be More Empathetic, Claire Cain Miller defines empathy as such: "It’s understanding how others feel and being compassionate toward them. It happens when two parts of the brain work together, neuroscientists say — the emotional center perceives the feelings of others, and the cognitive center tries to understand why they feel that way and how we can be helpful to them." She goes on to describe some activities we can do to increase our empathy. I qualify these as proactive because they are things that will broaden our view of the world which will make it easier to see where someone else is coming from; things like talking to new people, trying out someone else's life, or joining forces for a shared cause. The more you can experience things outside your bubble, the less likely you will be to close your mind when a new idea is presented.

With that being said, as you work to broaden your horizons you will still encounter moments during that process when your mind wants to snap shut. It is for those moments when we are reacting that we need to have a plan to slow down the close valve.

Get in the habit of arguing the other side

I don't know about you, but just telling myself to "be open-minded" doesn't always help; when someone shares an idea that I think (let's just be honest here) is rather stupid, the open-minded ship has pretty much sailed at that point. So how do I get it back? In her book, Multipliers, Liz Wiseman teaches readers how to have a proper debate on a topic. Part of the process, she says, is demanding rigor. The person leading the debate needs to ask hard questions, challenge underlying assumptions, look for evidence in data, and look at the issue from multiple perspectives; equally debating both sides of an argument is crucial for ensuring an open-minded approach to the solution.

If you want to avoid diminishing people by making snap decisions and judgements, you need to switch positions and argue the other side of the issue. Wiseman tells us that by arguing a different point of view the individuals can achieve the following:

1. "see the issues from another person's perspective, developing deeper empathy and understanding,

2. have to argue against them-selves, surfacing the problems and pitfalls in their opening position,

3. find new alternatives that elicit the best ideas from the competing options, and

4. separate themselves from a position. When a final decision has been reached, it no longer has an owner or advocate. The group owns the final position."

Series Wrap Up

To make growing our emotional intelligence easy and applicable, we need to pick small things that will help us “get in the habit.” Personal and professional growth is not something that happens after we take one course on emotional intelligence, but rather something that happens because of continued effort over long periods of time. As we wrap up this series, choose one of the four habits to start applying. Or if none of them particularly resonate with you, ask yourself this: what do I need to work on? What is the most frustrating part of my work week? When I get home at the end of the day what am I complaining about? If you look there, then you may find the root of your frustration and chances are you will find something that you can own and work on. Find the habit that will slowly help you become the person you want to be.