The What, Why, and How of Emotional Intelligence
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Get in the Habit Series | Part 1
What is Emotional Intelligence?
As someone that has hired, fired, and worked with all kinds of people, I have one request for the world: can we please stop using the phrase soft skills? It is a term used to describe things like communication, empathy, patience, active listening, punctuality, giving feedback, receiving feedback, leadership, etc. These are all very important things people should strive to improve, but by applying the term soft to these vital attributes, we are sending the message that these skills are lesser than so-called hard skills—that they are a bonus but not a must. Should we be spending time improving technical skills and earning certifications, because those skills matter more than the other? This is the message the world is receiving, and yet I cannot begin to describe how much I would rather hire someone that has minimal technical skills but a whole lot of essential skills that make them a valuable member of the team.
If you google soft skills right now you will get many different listicles of varying traits that can all boil down to one thing: emotional intelligence. In the HBR article Emotional Intelligence Has 12 Elements. Which Do You Need to Work On?, Daniel Coleman and Richard E. Boyatzis define emotional intelligence as "comprising four domains: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Nested within each domain are 12 [emotional intelligence] competencies, learned and learnable capabilities that allow outstanding performance at work or as a leader."
When we strengthen our emotional intelligence in these different domains, we are able to strengthen the various essential skills linked to those domains. The measurement of this intelligence is more commonly referred to as our emotional quotient (EQ).
Why should I improve my EQ?
In a 2017 study by the Weatherhead School of Management, Richard Boyatzis, Kylie Rochford, and Kevin V. Cavanagh studied the correlation between an engineer's effectiveness and their emotional and social intelligence (ESI). What they discovered was that general mental ability (IQ) did not have an impact on their effectiveness in their role, whereas "ESI as observed by their peers significantly predicted engineer effectiveness." Daniel Coleman unpacks this study in a Big Think Video (Emotional Intelligence at Work: Why IQ isn't everything) by explaining that certain roles—like being an engineer—have threshold competencies (IQ and technical skills) that are required to get the job in the first place. This means that when you enter a field of work, the other people in similar roles are going to already have a similar IQ, which is why EQ becomes the leading predictor of success. People are hired, he explains, for their IQ, and they are fired for their lack of EQ:
"I have a friend at an executive recruiting company that specializes in C-level hires, CEOs, CFOs, and so on. They once did a study internally of people they had recommended that turned out to be bad and were so bad they were fired... they realized when they looked more carefully that these were people who were hired because of business expertise and IQ but fired because of a deficiency in emotional intelligence. So emotional intelligence is more important than ever these days… it should be what you help people develop for their strengths, because the good news about emotional intelligence: it's learned and learnable, and you can upgrade it at any point in life if you're motivated." - Daniel Coleman
Our IQ certainly contributes to our abilities (although that too can increase over time with mental exercises and a more positive environment) but it will always be the EQ that sets us apart. Even an article titled IQ is the No. 1 predictor of work success lists other attributes as being important determining factors: ability to be outgoing and friendly, self-confidence, being open to new experiences, organizational abilities, and strong communication skills.
How can I improve my EQ?
Prior to writing this article, I spent some time researching EQ and the “soft skills” associated with it, as I did not want to put an article out there that has already been written several times over. What I discovered, sadly, is that there is a surplus of high-level lists telling people the importance of improving things like leadership, communication, and emotional intelligence, but they all lack practical steps on how to actually do the improving.
As an expert in teaching, training, and change management, I know that if we want to make big changes, we need to start with small behaviors. If I want to have better social awareness and relationship management, then I need to choose a specific skill to work on in that area. Hosting a meeting, for example, flexes both of those emotional intelligence domains. Someone who is already good at that particular skill is likely strong in those emotional intelligence areas, whereas someone who is not might have some room to grow. Focusing on that particular skill to improve upon will give you practical steps to take.
Rather than saying, “I need to get better at coaching and mentoring others,” which is big and vague, you say, “I am going to get in the habit of hosting conversations.” You focus on the habit that leads to the trait. Think of it like a runner trying to become faster. They don't do so by just trying to run faster, they choose specific exercises and activities that strengthen the muscles needed to run. Once they are stronger, they will naturally run faster. By focusing on one specific habit at a time, you will slowly grow your emotional intelligence. The higher your EQ becomes, the easier it will be to develop other habits associated with similar EQ domains.
Next Steps: Get in the Habit
Whether you are a young or seasoned professional, I encourage you to take the time to continually ask the question: where do I need to skill up? Once you have an emotional intelligence domain to work on, you can then focus on the habits that will lead to improving it. The articles that will follow in this series will be things I have learned and grown in over the years. I hope the information helps you as much as it has helped (and continues to help) me.
