How do I know when it’s time to quit?
I’m 32 and about to change careers. Or I suppose I'm going back to the career that I originally was on before my life took a side step. What’s strange is that just a few weeks ago I would have told you I was happy. I think I had gotten pretty good at convincing myself I was. All the signs and red flags that showed me my position was turning into something different were missed or explained away by my need to succeed in whatever I do. Admitting to myself that I can’t do this position anymore feels like a failure, and I hate failing.
So what do I do now? How do you figure out what you actually want to do when up until this point everyone has told you what you should do? It’s true. In college, I knew I loved teaching but it was my mom who suggested I major in General Science and become a middle school science teacher. I think my response was something like, “sure, I like science.” And that was it. That one moment in a 30 second conversation determined the direction of the next 5 years of my life. I ended up at the job I'm at now all because it was offered to me and someone told me I'd be good at it and that was it, the direction I was going was altered once again.
I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned along the way but it wasn't until recently when I found the courage to accept that this is not where my story ends. It's time to move on. Move on to what? That’s what I'm unsure of.
Which brings me to 11:33 on a Wednesday, drinking my coffee and googling personality tests and career quizzes. If you’ve never done something like this I highly recommend it. My results are spot on and give insight into the struggles I’ve had communicating with colleagues. I now have a list of things I know I need to work on, because they will be an issue in any job I do, but the most revealing thing is what’s listed last. Careers that those with my personality type thrive in, and five careers I should never do. On that list, I kid you not, is my current job. Also on that list, restaurant hostess, which is the only other job I've ever had that brought out the worst in me.
When I first started taking the quizzes, it was almost a joke. A sort of “I wonder what it’ll say” moment and nothing I ever dreamed I would take seriously. But seeing those two things listed next to each other, made me step back and think that maybe there’s something to this. I do not believe tests like this should ever be used for hiring as there is a chance it could lead to discrimination, and so please take this with a grain of salt. I mention it here only because as I am looking at these results for myself it got me thinking: what if those that grow to hate their jobs are just in the wrong job?
I had a meeting with a colleague a few days ago and he made a comment to me that suggested the reason we have communication problems is because people are scared of me. They are afraid that I’ll become upset or emotional and so they don’t think they can approach me or tell me what they really think. He proceeded to tell me that I have often stormed out of meetings crying or angry. While I think he was exaggerating a bit at how often this occurred, I reflected back and realized that there was truth to what he was saying. But what struck me is that it is the exact opposite of how I am in every other area of my life. I even told this to a close friend and she laughed out loud and found it absurd that anyone would think I had anger issues or was unapproachable. And when she said that, I remembered back to what one of the other waitresses told me at my previous job. She was dumbfounded when she witnessed my interactions between myself and the manager, commenting that she thought I was the most patient, loving, kind person she had ever met – except around our manager. And she was right. There was something about him or that job that brought out the absolute worst side of me.
Now don’t get me wrong. No matter where we are in life there will be people we meet or situations where we do need to just suck it up and push through. We’ll need to focus on what we can do better and not what other people or the situation is doing. I have learned from those situations and continue to grow my ability to communicate with different types of people. But it shouldn’t be an ongoing struggle. I believe life should be a series of flurries, and the occasional snow storm, that allows you to learn and grow into the best version of yourself. The version that you were created to be before all the crappy parts of life twisted it out of you. We all want that, to be ourselves at our best as often as possible and that happens by growing through difficult times. So flurries, yes. Occasional snow storms, yes. But no one should be living in an avalanche. If you are, get out now because there is something so much better for you out there.
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