Speaking to Make an Impact
Most people are surprised - and don't believe me - when I tell them I still get nervous in front of a crowd. I have been leading discussion groups, facilitating learning, and speaking in front of large audiences for over 15 years now. But I still get nervous. I like to tell people this, because when we look at those that appear confident, calm, and collected, it is very easy to put them in a different category than ourselves: I'll never be like that. We assume they have some natural talent that we don't have and will never have. While it may be true that we are all born different, it is also true that the ability to communicate clearly and effectively in front of an audience can be broken down into a few simple tips (and a lot of practice).
Before I get into the tips, let me first address that there are most likely two general groups of people that may be reading this. There will be those of you that are very good with your words. You are the life of the party, not afraid to speak up in a meeting, and you are often very likeable. You may be an extrovert, and this comes easily, or it may drain you. Either way, finding the words to say and the courage to speak up isn't too difficult. If this is you, you'll want to take a content check and pay particular attention to my tips around choosing the right words. Think about the words that you are putting out there. Have you organized them? Do you have the right examples to back up what you are saying? Your words are a gift. They have the power to make an incredible impact, you just need to harness them.
On the other side of the spectrum, we find those that are more quiet. You may identify with being afraid of public speaking. If that’s you, I want to tell you that our fears are learned, which means they can be un-learned. Take a look below at some of the things I do to calm my nerves before I present. If you don't have trouble with that, you may just be quiet out of choice or circumstance. You are more soft spoken and so you just let the louder voices in the room take over. The problem here, is that just because someone is good at talking, doesn't mean they're saying anything worth hearing. You have good ideas. You have been invited to that table, or that room, because you have something worth sharing. Don't let your fears, or the fact that you are more polite than someone else, keep you from the opportunities you deserve.
Whether you are wanting to beef up your presentation skills for your client calls, team meetings, or you want to be on that big stage one day, I can't guarantee that this list will help you. What I can promise you is that I speak the truth when I say these are the things that make me a good presenter and communicator. It is not natural talent. It is not because I have something that you'll never have. It is simply because I have practiced, I have learned from those that came before me, and I apply those learnings. Notice that apply is in the present tense. This is not a list of things I did one day that miraculously made me great. They are things I still work at to hone my communication skills. I still write things down. I still record myself. I still practice. I still improve every time I get in front of people. Which means you can too.
How to Get Past the Fear
Do a power pose
Okay, this one is going to sound ridiculous, and you will feel ridiculous, but I swear it works. You know that pose people do when they just succeeded in something? Think of a runner as they cross that finish line - both arms shoot up in the air into a V. Or Super-man posing with his hands on his hips, cape waving in the wind. Or maybe someone that just closed a big deal so they lean back, hands on the back of their head, and put their feet up on the desk. Those are poses our body does when we have just achieved something. We do them in moments when positive chemicals are running through our bodies, making us feel happy and confident. Amy Cuddy, author of Presence, did a series of studies showing that doing those same poses before you accomplish anything actually triggers the same biological response. She became famous for her saying don't fake it until you make it, fake it until you become it. In other words, if you do a power pose before an interview, or big presentation, the physiological makeup of your body will actually change, helping to calm you down and give you the confidence you need to present. When I get nervous, I go into the bathroom and I do these poses. It feels silly. But I do them, because it works. Of course, I need to actually be prepared for this to help. It takes away the nerves, it doesn't give me the words to say.
Turn up the heat
When you get really nervous, sometimes you might actually shake. If you are a little bit cold, this will exacerbate that affect. At least it does for me. If I anticipate being nervous, I will make sure I'm dressed extra warm in the hours leading up to it. If I'm doing a presentation virtually, this past winter I even started sitting on a heating pad. For you, maybe you'll need the opposite but whatever it is your body is already nervous because of the speaking you are about to do, and you can't control that. But you can control other things to make your body comfortable. Focus on those, and it will make the stuff you can't control less obvious and a little easier to manage.
Keep your head up
The next time you walk down the street, or through your office, pay attention to where you look. Is your head down? Are you staring at your feet or a few feet ahead of you? If you are, focus on lifting your gaze. When you present, looking around the room and making eye contact with people will raise the impact of what you are saying. You need to be able to connect with your audience. However, if the first time you are trying to do this is during that presentation, it will be nerve wracking. If you train your body to look up when no one is around then you'll build that muscle memory which will help when you have an audience staring back at you.
How to Speak Up When Everyone Else is Louder
Raise your hand
Whether virtual or real, meeting or at a party, raising your hand is a great way to quietly let someone who is long-winded know that someone else is waiting to speak. If that feels too silly, then try leaning forward or changing up your body language. The movement will be a visual trigger for the speaker that shows engagement in the conversation and that you are ready to participate.
Talk to your manager
In an ideal world, whoever is leading the meeting will make it easier for everyone to be heard. If it isn't happening, and you have an approachable team leader, let them know that you have a hard time speaking up. Ask for easier ways to contribute like round robin style or speaking-alternatives like a shared whiteboard/notebook where everyone can write down ideas. If it's hard for you to ask this, remember that it's not just for you. The entire room is going to benefit from your contribution so as long as you are working on speaking up, it's reasonable to ask for the people around you to make that work a little easier.
Practice starting a conversation
Learning to speak up, just like anything else, will only get easier with practice. The next time you find yourself in a low-stakes situation, try starting a conversation. Maybe when you're in the checkout line, instead of just saying hello and thank you, you ask how is your day going? When you become more comfortable with being the first to initiate a conversation, then you'll be able to start initiating when it matters - like being the first to talk in the meeting or making new friends at that social gathering. Practicing in the little moments will make it easier for you to show up in the big moments.
How to Choose the Right Words
Try the PREP Method
A commonly used acronym for delivering a clear message is PREP: You need to deliver a Point of View, your Reasons for that point of view, an Example, and then restate that Point of view. For those of you that are talkers, this is essential. It will keep you focused on what you want to say, it will prevent you from giving superfluous information, and it will force you to make sure that you have some meat to back up your opinion. For example, if you have an annual review coming and you're hoping to move up to the next level in your company, think about using PREP to communicate what you want (point of view), why you think you've earned it (reasons), a specific time you showed those qualities (example), and then again what you are asking for (restate Point of view). Using PREP is a great way to start training yourself to trim down your words and clarify your message. And if you didn't notice, I used it in this paragraph ;)
Try the Windshield Wiper Method
In his book, Speak to Win, Brian Tracy talks about the two sides of our brain and how they receive information. The left brain, he says, responds to facts and information, while the right brain responds to feelings, stories, quotes, examples. When you are delivering a message, you want to make sure the content you have is covering both sides of the brain. Just like a windshield wiper, you're going to bounce back and forth from left to right. State a fact, then follow with a story. Another fact, then follow with a quote. When I am planning out a message or an article, I go through at the end and make sure I have done this. It may not always be a direct back and forth, but I try to ensure that every reason for my point of view isn't just a fact. Or on the other side, I don't want to just tell a bunch of stories. We need both to be able to engage the listener.
Ask questions first
The easiest way to communicate poorly, is to start communicating before we have all the information. The next time you are in a meeting or a conversation and you feel compelled to give your opinion, try asking a question first. You'll be surprised how the new information now allows you to better craft the words you had planned. The more information you have, the easier it is to choose your words wisely.
Repeat the last three words
Another favorite I learned from Chris Voss's Master Class is to repeat the last three words someone says. This is a negotiation tactic but I find it particularly helpful when trying to gather more information. You may be asking questions, but if you are talking to someone more soft spoken, they may not be giving you a long winded response. Pay attention to the last few words they say and try repeating them: "….the client said they weren't sure so I'm trying to gather more details" you're gathering more details "yes, I had a meeting with their POC yesterday" that's great, you met with the POC yesterday… etc. This is a good tactic to keep the conversation going without interjecting or making it feel like an interrogation. This will tell the person that you are interested and want to hear more, giving them the freedom to speak their mind. Then you can take that knowledge and choose the right words that will make the most impact.
How to Perfect your Delivery
Write it down
If you are going to give a big speech, or just talk for 30 seconds in a meeting, write it down. If you are trying to speak to make an impact, don't let your first draft be what everyone hears. Write it down. Even if you don't end up reading from it or using it later. Write it down. I've said it several times because it's the easiest step to do but the one most often skipped. Sometimes you don't have the time, and that's okay. But if you write it down when you do have the time, then that will help you hone your skills for the times you don't.
Read it out loud
When you are writing, sometimes things sound okay on paper but when you practice out loud you will hear if something doesn't sound right. Every single article I post on my website I have read out loud to myself first.
Record yourself
Getting feedback from other people can be hard, and so if you want to find out that you say like too many times or have some other filler word, just record yourself. Use your phone or if you have an application like Microsoft Teams just use the "meet now" option. No one will be able to see that recording except you, and you can delete it after. First, watch and pay attention for those extra words. Then, watch and pay attention to your body language. Finally, watch again and pay attention to emphasis and wait time.
Pause for longer than you think
If you are making a big point or reading off a list, make sure you pause long enough for the listener to hear it. Don't forget that you know your content better than the audience does, so they will need more time to process than you do. I am a fast talker and so I have a particularly hard time with this. I always think I paused, but when I go back and watch the recording it is almost always too fast. If it feels a little too long, it's probably just right.
Practice without your notes
One of the most famous speeches ever given was the Gettysburg address given by President Lincoln. Legend has it he wrote down that speech on a napkin on the train. Well, that's legend. History tells us that parts of that speech were already given at previous speeches in his career. He didn't just deliver a winner on the first try. Same with Martin Luther King, Jr. - his dream didn't happen overnight. Parts of that speech were from previous sermons he had done. When you work on something for long enough, the content is there inside you. Practicing without your notes will give you a chance to see if it comes out in a different way than you planned. More often than not, what comes out will be better because it has the content that came from preparation, but the authenticity that comes from you.
Adjust your tone and body language
We all know the phrase, It wasn’t what you said, it was the way you said it. The reason we know this phrase, is because there is truth to it. Years ago, Albert Mehrabian did studies on effective communication around messages about feelings. These studies revealed three things that impact how our message is received: words, tone of voice and facial expression. The studies show that the words you choose to communicate will only get across 7% of your message. The tone you use will impact 38%, and finally a whopping 55% is impacted by the expression on your face. This 7-38-55 rule has been repeated and is often used in ways it was never meant to, so don't take the exact numbers too seriously. However, I think the core point remains true and is confirmed time and time again. When you are speaking, the words you say are only a fraction of what people are “hearing.” They hear the way you are standing. They hear the way your arms are crossed. When you are speaking to an audience, they will hear what they see before they hear what you say. If you are communicating something serious, your tone and facial expression should reflect it. On the other hand, if you are talking about something exciting, I expect your body language to change with that message. If it doesn’t, the listener may feel that something is off or they may tune out altogether.
Let your visuals aid you, not replace you
Did you know there are 22 times as many nerves from the eye to the brain than from the ear to the brain? That tells us that visual impressions are very powerful. If you're going to have something like a PowerPoint during your presentation, use it wisely. Create slides with visuals that will aid the words you are saying, not replace them. If you must put words, use Brian Tracy's 5x5 rule. No more than 5 lines on each slide, and no more than 5 words per line. It's also good to bring up points one at time, so everyone isn't reading ahead. If you have smaller meetings this is more flexible, but the bottom line is that your power point should be a visual aid - it shouldn't tell the whole story. If it did, they wouldn't need you!
Aim for authenticity, not perfection
As I wrap up these tips, I hope you have found one or two things in here that may help you up your game a bit. Definitely don't try them all at once, just pick a few then maybe come back later for more. It's not about learning it all and getting it exactly right, but rather doing what you can to set yourself up for success. And success does not mean perfection. I am at my best when I have thought about what I’m going to say. I’ve written it down. I practice it. And then I throw out the script. I have a hard time doing this because I'm afraid of stumbling over my words but the truth is a genuine message with some mistakes will always beat out a perfect message. People want authenticity and when something is too perfect, it loses its spark. So go easy on yourself. Forgive yourself. And just keep practicing.
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