The Unexpected Fork
Tuesday night, March 28, I couldn’t sleep. At 7pm I received an email that required a decision. It was an email I wasn’t expecting; a decision I didn’t seek out. Yet there I was, like a traveler making their way through the forest I turned a corner and found myself at a fork. All night I thought through what I should do. Do I continue on the path I had been on? Or do I take this new road and see where it goes?
The decision felt so big.
I made my lists. Pros and cons. I texted friends and sought advice. I called mentors to get their input. On the surface I was undecided all the while a part of me knew the decision I wanted to make. It was there all along, but I buried it in doubt. I tortured myself over this thing that is definitely not as big as I was making it out to be. Then, I went for a run and Live Your Life came on my playlist.
There’s something about music and endorphins and just running that clears my mind. I get my best ideas when I’m running, when I’m not trying to think about anything or do anything. On this particular run I wasn’t even trying to hit a certain distance or time. I was just running. No goals. No metrics. Just me and my thoughts.
It’s funny how not thinking leads to my best thinking. I thought about my life and all the decisions I made that led me to this moment. Would I still have ended up here, as this person, if I had chosen differently? What if I choose wrong right now? Can we even really choose wrong? In life we grow through challenges, and our decisions impact the challenges we encounter, but how much do the details really matter?
Most decisions that feel really big in the moment, aren’t that big. In hindsight, they mostly become small dots that connect bigger themes in our lives. The trouble is we sometimes agonize over making the right choices because we don’t want to live in regret. What’s interesting about my situation is that I am in the situation at all because of a decision I made four months ago. A decision I now regret.
Or do I?
Looking back on the previous fork that brought me a few months of deep frustration, I can also find many positive things in the mix; lessons that were learned, skills that were developed, and most importantly friends that were made. Can I truly regret it if in the end good came out of it? I don’t think I can.
At the end of the day, if you decide to take the path on the left or the road on the right, you are still going to be you. The same you that works through the moment in front of you and grows. The same you that always has people and experiences to be grateful for. The same you that can try to see the positive in any situation.
The next time you are faced with a big decision, take a step back and ask the question - is it really that big? Am I burying this in doubt when actually I do know what I want? Whichever way I go will I still be able to be me? Choices matter, but we can make them without all the extra baggage and anxiety. Just choose. Move on. Learn. Grow. Choose again.
In other words, just live your life.
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